A while back, I came upon a small book published in 1971, written by a Maurice Sagloff and entitled: Shrinklits: Seventy of the World’s Towering Classics Cut Down to Size. Much to my delight, I discovered a host of humourous entries based on classic works of literature, all honed down to their essence and in rhyme! This inspired me to try my hand at the form and I decided to write a piece on one of my favourite films based on a famous play (so I covered two art forms, I suppose). Now, may I present:
My Fair Lady
Henry Higgins, the phoneticist,
Meets a gal hawking “flars” in the mist
Of a cold London night,
Her speech such a fright,
That to teach her, he cannot resist.
Says he: “If you give me some time
I’ll make you a lady of prime
Education and grace
Take you out of this place,
Spruce you up and remove all the grime.”
Colonel Pick’ring is doubtful,at best,
Miss Doolittle can conquer this test,
So he posits a wager,
Higgins can fail to stage her
As a princess with jewels be-dressed.
Miss Doolittle’s cockney oul’ dad’s
Getting wed in the morning, but lads
Take him out to the pub
Have a few – there’s the rub!
Will he make it on time? Blame those cads!
Beginning with garbling her words,
Around marbles, it’s all for the birds.
The grand ball finds her fussing;
Ascot catches her cussing,
She fools all and gains fans by herds.
Then, along comes a possible match.
Eynsford-Hill is his name–plot to hatch–
Freddy’s fervour ignite,
Marry ‘im just to spite
‘Enry Higgins (of course, there’s a catch).
Never one of your bare, bodice-rippers;
Neither family-fare with some nippers.
Liza cracks his defenses
Henry comes to his senses;
We end with a nice pipe and slippers.
Couldn’t top that old Harrison, Rex
Wins without being vulgar, or sex.
The accent’s divine,
His singing just fine,
Never once does he show off his “pecs”!
By Kathleen Mortensen © 2007